I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
