So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
