with your own penis?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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