The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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