I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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