I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I sprained my soul last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
