also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
