She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This house was built for laser tag.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
