After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
