I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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