Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want nice things and good sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
