she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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