im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
