i was born a porn star she said
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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