Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
