Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
