No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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