I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ketchup is God's man juice
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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