other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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