it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
