I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
