How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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