my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
