The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
