I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
