You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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