they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
