i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
