I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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