You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
