i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
