Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
