My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
