In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
