jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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