after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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