Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
