Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
