he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
