note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
