and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
