dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
