I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
