i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
