I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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