I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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