Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
