As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
