I'm so fucking centered right now
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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