Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
