I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
