you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The air taste purple.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
