My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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