He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
